wow, this was probably the longest I've been absent. I was so angry at the world I had to leave almost MSN included of everything I had online.
Now I feel more calm and confident, but also guilty for «abandomning» even the deviants whose work I loved. I'm sorry
I deleted most contacts of people who were never really my friends, and at the time I got so angry for realising it that I was almost in a sort of coma for two weeks. It was terrible to me, but most terrible for my dad, he almost thought I was sick again, he has a very high self-esteem so it's difficult for him to understand how hard it's on me to lose a friend/loved one. Because I have an irrascible behaviour, which aggravated itself after I was severely sick, most people who know me get «enchanted» for one year or so, but then they will leave. This never happened with long time friends, of course. They know me intimately, they know what I've been through, but most of all they have the conscience to know that they also have flaws and I barely notice them because I trully like them. They are also the people who recognize my true value and know it's defenetly worth being a friend of mine. I do believe in true friendship but I probably won't make more friends, because the people who don't know me tend to judge my actions easily, and even if I tell them what I've been through and how lucky they are for being healthy, they'll say that there are worst things than this! Worst things than spending three years in failed cancer treatments? Worst thing than seeing your parents aging, and your father with tears in eyes? Worst things than constantly carrying a sense of guilt for them being so tired?
I really can't understand healthy people who moan 24/7. Of course I know there are other terrible diseases, but if we were made rational we were supposed to deal with it, and never use it as an excuse to die in a corner. Most «friends» I had complained all the time. They don't really know how lucky they are. I guess no one knows until they make a journey like mine, which I wish to no one.
Rant done, I'm back, I think I'll start with my concert pictures, because I really need to send them to the respective bands and pray for feedback.
I also can't understand how you start charging for tour work, and at what point is it a good idea. So I'll ask yu to please check at least my concert pictures and tell me if I should ask money for them or give them away, baring in mind I do want to be a professional photographer someday, and shoot mostly concerts.
I'm sorry once again, even knowing you'll welcome me back